It ends tonight - angst au for makingmyway (cw: suicide)

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

When the sending stone does not reach Dorian, Orym tries to tell himself that it is nothing more than a magical glitch. Things still aren't settled. It couldn't possibly mean something terrible has happened. He has to believe this. Otherwise how can he keep moving? And he has to. They have so many things they need to do, dangers to face, worlds to save. And oh he tries. He tries to do his part, to keep the rest of his friends safe.

Then they lose Letters. Then everything falls apart. He's holding on by a thread. He reaches out to Dorian. He's not okay. But he tries to be.

Then the news reaches them. The crown keepers and their encounter. The battle. And the fact that not everyone made it out alive. The fallen is a genasi, a wyvernwind. Son of the Squall. Though he's been going by a stage name. Dorian Storm.

And suddenly the world just doesn't fucking matter anymore. The bottom drops out from under him and he's in freefall that doesn't seem like it will ever stop. His heart feels like it's shattered, and he doesn't think it will ever find its way back together. Dorian is gone, and Orym never even told him.

He slips away from the Hells in the night. No word no explanation. Just. Leaves. At first he's not sure where he's going, but it doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore. The people he loves most, the ones who were the reason his heart beat in the first place are gone. Will. Now Dorian. His Dorian. Who was never really his.

A trip to an apothecary and a small package tucked in his pocket. He finds an inn near where he left the Hells. He leaves a letter with the innkeeper, a simple apology. To tell his mother and his sisters he's sorry. But he can't anymore.

He pays for a room for the night and closes himself inside. He strips out of his armor and sits on the edge of the bed. This is a coward's choice and he knows if. But that doesn't stop him from drinking back the dram of poison. It should be painless at least. He settles himself in the bed and he waits for it to be over. "I'll see you soon, Dorian."

Comments

[makingmyway]

The thing is, Dorian is actually still alive.

He had been through his own difficult time, of course. Being pursued by the Nameless Ones since leaving Kymal; having to hide out in the wilds as often as they could, only stopping by in towns for supplies. The Apogee Solstice cutting off his only way to communicate with Orym and the rest of the Hells. Opal getting darker until the Spider Queen finally claimed her, corrupted her. Cyrus' death. The Crownkeepers disbanding.

By the time he finally manages to arrive in Zephrah, he is exhausted. And, naturally, he just misses Keyleth who had left by the time he gets there. He manages to find someone who can contact her, since she's apparently on her way to meet Orym and the others, and all he can do is wait until she gets back to bring them to where the others are.

Eventually he's able to meet up with the Tempest, and she brings him to where Bells Hells are. But that's when he finds out that somehow messages were crossed, and they were all told that he had been the one who had died. Worse yet, Orym was nowhere to be found, and none of them knew where he was.

Desperately Keyleth was able to scry on him, and while the rest of the Hells were looking she discovered that he was actually not too far away. But what she tells him means he can't wait for the others, and he rushes to the room where Orym is, pounding on the door.

"Orym! Orym, you better open this door right now!"

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

The poison is a kind one, the gentle sort that would take him to sleep, would blur the veil between reality and dreams and then let him slip away. Perhaps it's more kindness than he deserves. He's starting to slip from consciousness when that pounding comes at the door.

He's half tempted to ignore it, but the voice that follows, muffled by the door as it is, that has green eyes snapping open wide.

Dorian?

The normally graceful halfling rises from the bed, stumbling and swaying on his feet as he makes his way to the door. His brow furrows faintly as he opens it slowly, peeking out. His eyes widen as he sees the bard, that familiar face, and he feels his eyes fill with tears. Well, maybe he's gone already, but if this is the afterlife then it's already where he wants to be.

"You're here." His voice is distant, soft and slurred, but the teary smile on his face is genuine.

[makingmyway]

Dorian counts the seconds - what feels like hours - that it takes, and it's much too long. So even when the door opens and reveals the somewhat dazed looking halfling, his panic doesn't ease.

"I'm here... oh, Orym." He sinks to his knees, cupping the halfling's face in his hands. "Do not do this to me, Orym, I swear... "

Pressing his forehead to Orym's, he frantically tries to sing, the entire song nonsensical but it would be enough as he casts a spell to try and clear whatever poison is in the other's system.

He can't lose Orym too. He can't.

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

Orym leans into that touch, not seeing any reason to try to disguise how happy he is to see him, to lean into those hands. His eyes fall shut, the words not entirely making it through to him except for that I'm here.

Dorian is here.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there. I should have been..." He should have been there to protect him, to keep him safe, to do something. To tell him what he should have told him so many times.

The singing catches his attention though and in the fogged cloud of his drugged mind, the haze the poison has thrown him into, he panics. "No. Nonono, don't make leave. Please. I don't want to leave. Let me stay with you." He steps closer and wraps his arms around the bard tightly as if that will make the difference.

The spell works though, the poison halting its onslaught.

[makingmyway]

The sudden hug surprises him, as does how desperate it feels. So when the spells ends he wraps his arms around Orym in turn, holding him close.

“I’m right here, Orym… I’m not going anywhere.”

He’ll give Orym a moment to reorient, since it seems that the poison has confused him a bit. But Dorian can feel himself shaking, and it isn’t just from fear when he’d heard of what Orym was doing.

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

Orym presses his face to Dorian's neck, burrowing against him, inhaling the familiar scent of him. Oh he's missed him. Slowly the worst of the fog begins to clear. Somewhat. The poison may have been stopped by the spell, but the exhaustion and unsteadiness hasn't faded, and the fog it's left in his mind, like a lingering sedation.

Of course he's confused. Dorian is dead, so the only explanation that makes sense is that he is too. That had been the plan after all. Still he feels the other man shaking and frowns faintly. "You're trembling."

[makingmyway]

Dorian breathes out a huff of a laugh, pulling back just a bit to look at Orym.

"Yeah..." he says, his voice thick with his heart in his throat. "When Keyleth found out what you were up to, I was so scared I was going to lose you. But I am..."

He hesitates a moment, the heat of anger rushing through him, and he can't hold back the words, "so furious with you too! What the actual fuck were you thinking!"

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

Keyleth? His brow furrows as Dorian draws back, confusion clear on his face. For the first time he looks around, slowly realizing his surroundings. The inn. The doorway to the room he'd rented.

And Dorian, in front of him and angry and...

"You're alive..." How? How could he be alive? Let Dorian be furious with him, let the bard hate him, if it meant that Dorian was alive, was still a part of this world. ...and Orym was still alive too. "They told us you were dead."

It wasn't an answer to the bard's question. He should give him an answer. Dorian deserved one.

[makingmyway]

Dorian huffs a little, but tries to calm himself down a bit. It seems the poison was still making Orym a bit slow, so he shouldn't push too much.

Yet. But he will get answers from the halfling later.

But the lump in his throat returns as he tries to figure out how to explain to Orym what happened. "I know. Keyleth and the others told me. When I went to Zephrah, I found someone to send a message to Keyleth to give to you and the others. But I guess something got mixed up, and they told you that... the wrong Wyvernwind brother had died."

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

"Dorian..." Oh. The realization washes through him, and he feels a sharp pang in his chest for the bard. Cyrus. Not Dorian. "Dorian, I'm so sorry. Are you all right?"

A pause and he shakes his head. "That's a stupid question. I shouldn't have asked that, of course you're not all right." A glance back over his shoulder at the empty in room, his armor neatly piled in a corner and little else disturbed.. "Come inside. We can talk better not in the doorway."

He turns to start leading them in, but instead sways on his feet and begins to topple over. Give him a second. He'll sort himself.

[makingmyway]

Dorian opens his mouth to say something, but the words die on his lips when Orym falters. With a hitch in his breath he reaches out to catch the halfling before he hits the floor.

"Looks like you're not quite out of the woods just yet," he murmurs, hitching Orym a bit higher against him as he gets to his feet, using his heel to shut the door behind him and carrying Orym to the bed.

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

Suddenly he's in those arms, and he can feel a flush rising in his cheeks, even if it is an intensely inappropriate time for blushing. "I'll be fine. I felt the spell..." It had taken hold, and it was just a matter of time to let this work its way out of his system.

He shut his eyes for a moment, steadying himself.

[makingmyway]

Dorian hums an frustrated sound. "You still need to rest. It wasn't a very strong spell, so I guess you'll still be a bit drowsy."

Carefully he sets Orym on the bed, stepping away long enough to set his own stuff aside by Orym's armor. Then he sits on the edge of the bed, gently running his fingers through Orym's hair. "...I was really scared I was going to lose you."

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

Orym settles back on the bed. Sort of. When Dorian steps away, he starts to sit up -- feels a bit woozy and lies back when it seems the genasi isn't going anywhere after all. Something in him eases as those fingers find their way into his hair.

The guilt rises in him now, a bit of embarrassment and shame for what he'd tried to do, what he'd nearly done. If Dorian had arrived much later...

"I thought I'd lost you." And that had been too much. He could bear so much, but he couldn't bear that.

[makingmyway]

Dorian can't help a frown, the confusion clear on his face. "This... seems like a bit of an extreme reaction."

He can't imagine how the news of his death would cause Orym to do something like this. Because it can't... it can't be what he thinks it might mean.

...can it?

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

"Yeah, guess it does seem that way..." He murmurs with a laugh that sounds like it's half made of tears. Gods he feels stupid. Curling onto his side, he can't seem to bring himself to look at Dorian's face.

"But I couldn't... I didn't want to be in a world without you in it. I couldn't lose someone else I..."

He curled into himself more tightly. "I'm sure it sounds pathetic."

[makingmyway]

Dorian draws a sharp breath, the words so close to something he hopes to hear. But seeing Orym this way drains any of the lingering anger, and he leans forward, trying to get the halfling to look at him as he brushes his fingers over Orym's cheek.

"Orym, please... talk to me? What was going through your head?"

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

What was going through his head. Gods this is a mistake, all of it. But Dorian is alive, and that is what matters. Orym can handle a broken heart, but he couldn't handle it shattered so completely.

So he sighs quietly and risks a glance up at Dorian.

"We've been fighting and fighting and trying to save this world. Then Suddenly you weren't in it anymore." And that was too much, gods how could it not be too much? Everyone he's loved has been taken away from him.

"I couldn't do it, Dorian. I couldn't lose someone I..." and the confession finally finds its way to the open air, "...loved again. I just wanted to see you."

[makingmyway]

Dorian sucks in a breath, his heart feeling like it stops in his chest as the words echo in his ears.

Someone I loved

Suddenly everything falls into sharp, painful clarity, and Dorian can't help leaning down to catch Orym's lips with his own.

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

Orym's heart quits its beating as well, the moment he feels the bard's lips on his own. He gasps in surprise against Dorian's mouth before he gets with the program and kisses him back -- like he's dreamed about so many times. Like he's wanted for so long, been so afraid to admit out loud.

Was this really happening? Or had he died after all, and the heavens were kinder places than he could have imagined?

[makingmyway]

Dorian can't help the soft sound that escapes his throat when Orym returns the kiss, heat rushing through his entire body that it's actually happening. He gently, slowly draws back a bit, his cheeks flushed as he stares at Orym with wide eyes.

"I... I wish I had said something before I left," he says, his voice barely above a whisper. "I've been... so in love with you all this time."

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

Orym is staring back, unable to breathe, unable to believe that this is really happening, that it's not just the final kind visions and imaginings the poison is leaving him. But no, he feels dizzy, his head aches, and oh his hear aches more but in the sweetest way he could imagine.

"So have I. For so long now. I love you, and I should have told you. I thought I'd never have the chance to... my heart felt alive again with you. And then I thought you were gone, and I--"

And he couldn't. He couldn't go on. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean... I... I'm so glad you're here."

[makingmyway]

With a shaky sigh, he pulls Orym into his arms and embraces him tightly.

“I-I’m just… so glad you’re all right. When Keyleth told me what you were doing, I was so scared I wouldn’t make it in time.”

That he would lose Orym without ever getting a chance to tell him.

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

Oh he was likely in for a scolding from the Tempest. And at least half the Hells if they catch wind of it. But it didn't matter. He would deserve it, and Dorian was alive and here and holding him, and anything else in the world he could handle.

He held onto Dorian just as tightly, like he's afraid if he lets go this might all dissolve into illusion. A shudder goes through him, and the tears he's been swallowing back for months finally escape.

[makingmyway]

He feels his shoulder starting to grow wet, and tightens his arms around Orym, one hand resting on the back of his head.

“I’m here, Orym,” he says softly. “I have you. Let it all out.”

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

Dorian is here. Dorian has him. Another sob, but this time it is lighter, choked with relief. Still he's clinging to him tightly, trembling slightly as h does indeed let it all out, so much that has happened, so much pain and fear and in this moment he feels like he's finally found his way back to the surface to breathe again.

Eventually he lifts his head, embarrassed, eyes red, cheeks damp with tears.

"Sorry. I... I'm the one who should be comforting you. You lost your brother. I'm so sorry, Dorian. I know you love him."

[makingmyway]

Dorian holds him tight, gently rubbing soothing circles into Orym’s back as he hums softly - not daring to quiet him at all, wanting him to let out his feelings, but hoping the gentle song will help relax him.

When Orym’s tears finally calm and Orym pulls back, Dorian manages a faint smile.

“It’s all right. I’m - I’m okay,” he says, his voice skipping just a bit. “It sounds like you all went through so much worse. And FCG… I’m so sorry, Orym. It’s no surprise you’ve been so stressed these days.”

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

Orym frowns faintly. I'm okay sounds like one hell of a lie. A shake of his head at that, and he leans up, hesitating only a moment before brushing his lips against Dorian's. This is okay now, isn't it?

"You don't have to be okay for me, you know. For any of us."

His hands lift to cup at either side of the bard's face. "I'm here. I have you, too."

[makingmyway]

He returns the light kiss while he can, but as Orym continues Dorian hesitates for a moment.

Leaning into one of Orym’s hands, he closes his eyes and releases a shaky breath. And maybe it’s the reassurance, an echo of his own words, or maybe he was tired of holding it in.

But eventually tears slip free from the corner of his eyes, and his shoulders start to tremble as he sags against Orym, letting the tears run more freely now.

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

Orym winds his arms around Dorian securely. He presses a kiss through Dorian's hair, murmuring soft, half-meaningless little sounds meant to soothe, to let the other man know he is there with him. That even if he is not okay right now, they will find a way to be fine. Together. For now he will hold him and let him cry because Dorian deserved that grace he so often shows the people around him.

He still feels weak physically, but it's starting to hit him how close he came to making a terrible mistake. He's grateful that Dorian found him. Saved him, from himself this time.

[makingmyway]

Dorian’s sobs are silent, the tears streaming down his face the the trembling of his body the only indication that he’s still crying. And eventually he wraps his arms around Orym and pulls him close, resting his forehead on the other man’s shoulder.

It takes a while, many emotions passing through him in that moment. But eventually the tears do slow, and with a soft sniffle he draws back a little, wiping the lingering tears from his eyes.