shattered - for makingmyway

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Orym can barely think straight. His mind is an utter mess, caught somewhere between rage and guilt and relief and then more guilt for that feeling. They've lost so much already in all of this, in chasing Predathos' threats. Fuck, he'd lost so much before he even knew what Predathos was.

That moment when they'd discovered sending spells were working once again, and he'd immediately tried to reach Dorian only to be met with silence, it had torn at something in him. The fear of what could have happened, of why the genasi wouldn't have answered him. He knew Dorian would have if he'd been able, so something must be wrong. Something had to be wrong. And it was. Gods he should have known better. He should have known better and done something, to keep the other man better protected.

But he couldn't protect him. He couldn't protect any of them. The latest loss was fresh and bitter and raw, and the halfling was ready to come apart from how completely he had failed. What was the point of him, what was the good of him, if he couldn't even keep the people he loved safe?

His come apart had to be postponed when they learned that Dorian had been captured though, because there was nothing else he could think about except the fact that they had to save the bard. He was already a shattered thing, and Orym didn't think he'd survive losing Dorian too. The genasi had been the only bright point left in his univeirse in many ways, and if he lost him without ever even telling him how much he meant to him. Well.

No, he couldn't live with himself.

He couldn't live.

The rescue had been, well, a bit desperate. The halfling had fought without hesitation or thought, a frenzy that left him blood-stained and only half aware of what he was even doing. But they'd gotten Dorian back. Alive.

He's been repeating that to himself over and over in his mind, and only that. Dorian is alive. Dorian is here.

They've retreated from Ruidus, taken shelter somewhere that, for the moment at least, seems safe. Everyone is their own brand of mess, and they're all barely hanging on. But they are hanging on.

Orym has been left with Dorian, to keep watch over the bard. The halfling hasn't spoken since the battle, and blood still stains his face and hands and clothes, and he doesn't seem to notice.]

Comments

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

I can do that.

[Orym smiles back, soft and still looking somewhat mystified this is actually happening. He hops to his feet to go track down some food. They do need to eat, and he feels better having something productive to do.]

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian lingers where he is for a moment to watch Orym go, smiling to himself. Then he gets to his own feet to find Imogen.

With Sending now working, it’s not difficult to get in touch with his brother to let him and the rest of the Crown Keepers know that he was all right, as well as making sure that they in turn were safe.

Once a couple messages have been passed to make sure enough was said between them, Dorian goes to try and relocate Orym, but has to pause and take a moment to himself. Now that things have calmed down a bit and the events were really sinking in, a shaky breath rises from his throat, and it takes him a moment to realize part of that is because his body was trembling. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Orym watches Dorian go for a moment before shaking himself out of it and going to do as he said he would and find them something to eat.

By the time Dorian makes it back, the halfling will have secured a decent array of options that make something resembling a meal. It's a strange inn they've found themselves in for the night, but the food is fresh and there's a bottle of something he's told will warm them up from the inside out because apparently Orym looks like he has been GOING THROUGH SOME SHIT and the inn keeper took some pity on him.

Orym is trying not to be restless, but his mind is still racing with everything that's happened. He tries to center himself, tries to calm his heartbeat and his breathing, to remind himself that he's still alive. Dorian is still alive. And they still have the chance to stop Ludinus and the Vanguard from hurting more people. They have to.

And even if they die trying, at least for this stolen time, they have each other. That's more than he deserves, he thinks, but he's not a strong enough man to resist, to give it up now that he's discovered he can have it.]

[makingmyway]

[ It takes him a moment to get himself to calm down- or at least, force himself to calm down. There was still a lot he needed to process himself, but for now he can push it all aside for Orym’s sake.

He doesn’t want to give Orym more to worry about, if he can help it.

Once he’s regained some kind of composure, he continues on until he finally slides into the booth where Orym is seated. ]

Wow, this all looks really good.

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Orym would scold Dorian for worrying about him and neglecting himself if he knew. He'll figure it out eventually.

Right now though, he's doing his best to hold it together, clinging to the pieces he's shattered into so they don't all go scattering. He manages a smile though as Dorian reappears.]

It does, doesn't it? I don't remember when I ate last. Time feels weird. [A pause and his smile turns a bit wry.] Like soup.

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian can’t help a small laugh at that. ]

I think I’m finally beginning to understand what that means. [ He pauses, and though he’s still smiling it appears more wistful. ] That almost feels like another lifetime ago, doesn’t it?

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Gods he'd missed that laugh. He'd missed everything about Dorian.]

Yeah, it does. Forever ago... but.

[He smiles in turn.] It feels less far away now that you're here.

[The halfling thinks he can remember being more at ease, being happy in those simpler times when his feelings for the bard had first taken root and begun to blossom.]

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian smiles, leaning some of his weight against Orym. ]

Well, I’m glad to be here…I only wish I could have been here under better circumstances. But I won’t be going anywhere for a while except with you.

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Orym is happy to lean back into Dorian in turn. Even more than the food, he seems to be drawing strength from the bard's presence. His heart feels like it's getting the hang of beating properly once more.]

It's going to be dangerous. For both of us. I'm sorry you're caught up in it too.

[Sorry, but so grateful that Dorian was here. Yes.]

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian shrugs. ] There’s danger everywhere. And I was planning on getting back to you eventually. This just…fast-tracked it, I suppose.

Which, I’m not complaining about the results, even if the mode of transportation could use a bit of work.

[ He grins down at Orym, his tone light with the joke. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

I suppose so.

[He shook his head with a quiet laugh.]

Yeah, not exactly the first choice. But you're here.

[And Orym knows he's been coming apart at the seams, just barely holding it together enough to keep functioning, to keep the others believing he was okay so they wouldn't worry. They have enough to worry about.

But oh having Dorian back is a balm for the ache in him. But in an effort to not sink back into darker, difficult things, he instead smiled sheepishly and threw out what is probably still one of the weirdest thoughts on his mind these days,]

...did I tell you I'm starting to think that Chetney might be my father?

[makingmyway]

[ He would take that laugh, small and quiet as it is, as a victory. Even from just the short time he’s been back with them, he can see the signs of stress in Orym’s eyes, in his frame and demeanor. And now that he’s back, he’s determined to do what he can to lighten the load that Orym seems set on carrying on his small shoulders.

Of all the things he expected Orym to say, though, that was probably one of the lowest on the list. He blinks, pulling back a bit to look at Orym. ]

Wait…seriously?

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

Yeah. ...we stopped in Zephrah for a while. Pretty sure Mom knew him? Knows him. And some of my childhood toys...

[A shake of his head.] Could be coincidence. Has to be coincidence.

Probably.

[He's clearly not sure, Dorian. He's never thought about his father much at all, just knows he left before he was even born and that he'd never seen any need for him. He'd had his mother and Derrig and Will and the girls.]

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian hums softly, thoughtfully. ]

Well…I know Chetney is a bit rough around the edges, but I’d like to think he wouldn’t have left your mother to raise you on her own like that.

…although if he hadn’t known you were coming…

[ Helpful. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

Yeah. Exactly.

[Orym shrugs and laughs a little.] Hells of a coincidence if he is though. Like I didn't really ever believe in fate or anything, but maybe I'm wrong about all that.

Could be worse though. Chet's good people. I mean, occasionally unintentionally murderous but honestly who isn't these days.

[The scar on Orym's face that he's earned since Dorian left them is due to Chetney losing control and attacking, but the halfling doesn't hold it against him. He'd even turned down healing in favor of quite literally rubbing dirt in it, so it isn't something he's concerned about.]

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian laughs a bit himself. ]

I mean, I suppose things have been pretty tense lately.

[ He can’t help reaching up and gently tracing the scars over Orym’s eyes as he speaks, brushing his fingers along Orym’s brow. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Orym turns into that touch like it's irresistible, as if now that he's stopped trying to hold back and hide how he feels for the other man the floodgates are open and there's no holding it back.]

Am I still pretty?

[He teases lightly, but a moment later he's adding, quieter.] Really tense yeah. Everyone's at their breaking point, but they're strong. And we still all have each other...

[Except Letters. Except their little self-sacrificing cleric. But he'd died to save them, and for that reason alone they have to survive this.]

[makingmyway]

[ Despite knowing Orym was just teasing, his expression softens. ]

You’re always beautiful to me.

[ And he means it, sincerely.

Dorian can’t help breathing a soft sigh. He could feel the tension amongst the group, how on edge everyone was. It broke his heart, knowing all the hardships they’d been through. And he isn’t sure how much he’d really be able to help.

But he sure as hell is going to try.

He leans in and brushes a gentle kiss across Orym’s forehead. ]

You’re all so strong. So many others would have crumbled in your position. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through so much.

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Oh. That's so earnest and sweet, and Orym can feel himself blushing because well, he sort of likes the idea of Dorian finding him attractive, especially given that the air genasi is quite literally the most beautiful creature in existence.

His eyes shut briefly at the sweet kiss to his forehead.]

We've crumbled too. But... we've all got a lot to fight for. This world is worth it, right?

[makingmyway]

[ With a smile, he rests his forehead against Orym’s. ]

I’d say so. You’re in it, after all. You and the others…that makes it more than worth it.

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

Dorian Storm, you have no right saying things that romantic and not kissing me.

[They live in a civilization, Dorian. There are certain things that are simply rules, okay?]

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian’s laugh is brighter, fuller at that. ]

I suppose I’ll just have to remedy that, then.

[ Cupping Orym’s face in his hands, he leans down to capture his lips. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

You'd better...

[Orym is already smiling at the sound of that laugh. It's a beautiful sound, one that he's missed so much. He tilts his chin to meet that kiss, melting for him, eager and pliant and at ease in a way he barely remembers even being capable of feeling, like he's coming home.]

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian can’t help smiling into the kiss, humming softly as his chest fills with warmth, getting to taste and feel Orym like this. It’s more than he’s ever thought he’d ever be allowed to have.

And his arms gently wrap around Orym, holding him close like he doesn’t want to let him go. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Orym winds his arms around Dorian in turn, shifting closer. Another moment and he'll be inviting himself right into the bard's lap. He's trying to have some self control, but it's getting harder. The stress of the past few months since he last saw Dorian, all the things they've been through, the rush of finally confessing his heart and finding his feelings return.

Half a decade of celibacy.

All of it is catching up with the halfling, and Dorian is likely to be able to tell, a hint of desperation creeping in to the way Orym holds him, kisses him.]