for Essek (lacrymaperle) - vampire/werewolf au

[ausgebrannt]

[There had been a simpler time, several years before when Bren hadn't yet known Trent Ikithon, a time when he was thoroughly and blissfully unaware of the things that existed in the dark, when the ideas of werewolves and vampires and other creatures that ought to have been nothing more than fairy tale fodder. Instead, his paths had crossed with Trent and everything had changed. He'd been thrown into a small walled courtyard one night, under the light of a full moon, and he had not been alone. That was the first time he had met a werewolf. Bren remembered the bite, still had the scar of it on one forearm, remembered the confusion and the terror -- both of which were nothing compared to the full moon that followed the month after, the first time he'd transformed. He remembered the pain of his entire body breaking and reshaping itself, the fear of losing himself entirely. He'd blacked out that night, woken up naked and aching as if he'd been run over by a bus.

It had been the same very moon since, except that piece by piece, bit by bit, he held onto some small shred of himself during the transformation. Trent Ikithon had explained that all this was for Bren's own good, that he was safer here than anywhere else. that there were vampires who would tear him apart on sight, one in particular, a singular monster who Trent seemed to have a personal loathing for. Bren tried to probe why any vampire, never mind a particular one, would have any interest in him. No explanation was ever given except that 'the Shadowhand will never have you. Not in this life or the next. I will see to that.'

Bren had no idea what that meant. Before all this, the only strange thing in his life were recurring dreams -- and oh they were beautiful things. Arms that were secure and safe around him, tender and gentle but not warm. The soft lilt of a voice that assured him everything would be well, that wherever he went he would be found again. Trent had hated the dreams and had done his best to cast them out of Bren's conscious awareness. Now they were barely shadows, things he could remember the feeling of more than the details. It hurt even trying to recall them, so he didn't.

This past moon Bren had made his escape after he transformed, finally aware enough of himself that he had his chance. He was free. That was the only thought in his mind right now and it repeated in echoed mantra over and over again as he tried to keep himself from spiraling into a breakdown. It had been years since he'd been out, actually out in the world, not kept with Trent Ikithon's control, trapped within the grounds of that monster's manor. He was, after all, Trent's pet project, for whatever reasons the old bastard had. It didn't matter. Back in that direction lay only pain and isolation. He wouldn't go back.

Of course, he didn't really have a plan to go forward either, really. Even before he'd been captured and turned, he hadn't had any family left, few friends, and he'd been out of the world for years now. He managed to steal find some clothes, ill-fitting, a coat that was too big on his underfed frame, a scarf wrapped about his neck. He was a mess, long copper hair in tangles past his shoulders, his beard untrimmed, a frantic fear in wide blue eyes as he tried to find somewhere to hide, somewhere to get his bearings. He couldn't let Trent find him again. This was freedom, and he would not give it up.

A soft meow caught his attention, and he looked up in surprise as a small orange tabby approached him. For the first time in a long while, Bren smiled.] Hello there... [The little creature sniffed his outstretched hand and headbutted his fingers. It was the first kind touch that he'd known in so long, he almost teared up over it.] Well, at least I am not alone anymore. That's comforting.

[Now if he could just figure out what the hell he was going to do, where he was going to go.]

Comments

[ausgebrannt]

[There was no warmth in Essek's arms these days, but that only made Caleb all the more determined to be that warmth for his vampire husband. The drow had never been loved by the sun, but since it had been denied him entirely, Caleb did the best he could to make sure that Essek never lacked for warmth or light.

His biggest fear was what would happen to his lover when he was gone, and someday he would be gone. Caleb knew all too well that he was mortal, and Essek had made it clear that he had no intention of turning Caleb. But he'd thought they'd have years more than they did; seeing the future was never one of his talents, after all.

But in this moment, he was safe and content, exhaling a soft sound at that nuzzling. One hand reached up to touch through Essek's hair, soft and tender.]

I will always return to you, mein Sternenlicht. [A promise, and certainly one that he intended to keep whatever the cost of it was.] My heart and soul are yours, it seems only right that I should return them to you.

[zauberdecke]

[ This scene was of such a perfect domestic bliss-- and they'd been through so much together, up and to the creation of this haven that was their own, this perfect castle of their love, where they could be surrounded by books and with the world but a fluttering whispery afterthought. He sighed softly against the thrum of Caleb's pulse as he inhaled scent, as he allowed his mind to process the zemnian endearments, of being Caleb's Sternenlicht. ]

And my heart and soul are yours in return, they have always been yours-- ever since we first met, you know.

[ A soft chuckle against skin as he remembered the boys that they had been, and how it had been a slow descent into the dizzying madness of love ]

However, I am working on something, if you must know.

[ He reached for a silver chain held against his mantle, plucked it and then with skilled fingers he cast the spell, Tethered Essence and watch as that chain started to glow and became a connector between the two of them, a way for them to be as one-- binding their souls together in an inexplicable way for at least an hour. ]

I am trying to figure out how I could possibly amplify this spell to allow my life to tether yours, it is ambitious I know, and it may not be created in this life time, but perhaps in the next?

[ausgebrannt]

[Essek so close to where his pulse beat, the feeling of those lips against his neck had Caleb letting his head fall to the side, a fully reflexive baring of his neck for his lover if he desired to bite. He imagined there were people who would question his sanity for so eagerly baring his throat to so deadly a predator, but Caleb knew without doubt that this beautiful creature who had every ounce of his devotion would never hurt him.]

We were so very young... [Caleb reminisced, fondly. He had fallen for Essek just as quickly, for the brilliant dagger-sharp mind and so much cosmic fire hidden behind the carefully contained poise and distance.

He shut the book he had been reading, setting it aside on the shelf for the time being. He recognized the spell that Essek cast, the sounds of it, what he could make out of the somatic components from where he leaned back against him, he could see the shape of it, the thoughts that brought Essek to this plan. A more permanent and deeper version of this spell, yes, it could work, couldn't it?]

Very ambitious, beloved. And potentially dangerous. I would want my life lengthened at the cost of yours. [He cautioned gently, fingers still carding through Essek's hair.] But you are a brilliant mind, and if there is a way... I have faith in you finding it. I will help.

[zauberdecke]

I am thinking of the logistics of it, but I will likely require your help; after all there is no one I know who has a mind more brilliant than your own.

[ And at the statement to how young they were, he allowed himself to take a deep breath against that neck, the sweetness of it and how he could feel that pulse guide him. The way his husband's head fell back was but an invitation, he recognized that. It spoke that Caleb trusted him enough, but also that Caleb wanted to give him sustenance and warmth that would them flow through his system and leave him with a feeling not unlike carrying a mote of possibility to linger within. But, Essek would take his time even as he was finding it impossible not to touch his treasured mate.

His mouth pressed against the sweetest thrum of pulse, a soft kiss that was slightly open with the barest slide of tongue as it lathed against his favorite spot, the one just above the collarbone-- a place that had a perennial bruise to it because it had been well-loved and well used. ]

I can act as sentinel to the years, if it means that you will return to me.

[ If there was a chance, then he would not do anything rash; would respect his life and safeguard it for when Caleb came to him again, returned to him and they could be together. ]

Would you recognize me, if you were born as another?

[ausgebrannt]

Whatever I can do.

[Caleb agreed. He would help however he could. He would not let Essek cause harm to himself in this, but it would be a lie to say that he did not have a great interest in something that could give them more time together, that could keep him with his now-immortal beloved. Caleb worried what Essek would do after his death, worried who would work at keeping the other wizard from shutting himself away from the rest of the world, from those walls of ice he had known him to build to resurge.

But thoughts of death and separation could wait, couldn't they? Those lips were cool against his neck, but soft and familiar. A pleased sound exhaled in a sigh at the touch of that tongue. He would happily allow his beloved his blood, always did, enjoyed the way that Essek seemed flushed and warmer in those moments after he'd fed.

His eyes were mostly shut, still leaning back against Essek, but those words made him smile.]

I will always find my way back to you, starlight. I promise you that. [He would find a way to make that a certainty rather than leave it to chance.]

[zauberdecke]

[ those hunting lips.

How Essek pressed kisses against that neck in preparation, the touch of tongue that was the precursor to biting down into that succulent flesh. He loved the foreplay of it and how Caleb seemed to submit to it, to them and his touch. For Essek, with this-- it was an act of love, and he wanted to always take his time so that Caleb would understand that he was worth the seduction.

Also, taking blood was a necessity, and he had a steady stream of feeders willing to provide blood, but Caleb was only one that that gave him something more than sustenance. It was love that he gave, and the cocked sideways of that head proved it.

Essek scraped the teeth against the little area, wanting to taste Caleb-- to feel a flush fill him that was definitely the taking of blood; he would never hurt Caleb but likewise he still knew that Caleb trusted him and so his limits were such that if Caleb asked, he would stop, otherwise open game, and he craved the intimacy of the act even though he'd fed earlier in the evening-- right now this was a bonding expirience for the both of them, something that surpassed the feeding ]

I want your blood to fill my cheeks with warmth, Chathiu...

[ausgebrannt]

[Caleb adored it too, the dance that came before Essek would allow himself to indulge. The way his husband touched him, held him, he had never felt more treasured in his life, could not imagine finding this feeling of completion in the arms of anyone else, and would never want to try.

He knew that Essek took sustenance elsewhere as well, that he had willing donors, as it were, but this ritual between them was different, was special to them. He felt himself shiver at the scrape of those teeth, anticipation. There was an undeniable intimacy to it, and a near ecstatic pleasure that took him every time.]

I want that too, beloved. I want to see you flushed with my warmth.

[He wanted to feel the way that Essek's grip on him tightened at the first taste of his blood, the way that his husband's self control seemed tried each and every time.]

[zauberdecke]

[ Truly fine things must be savored. He had savored their first kiss, a dizzying expirience while they had been studying underneath an apple tree under the warm sun, the air heavy with summer's warmth and the buzz of bees in the distance. He'd savored the first time that Caleb had bent his neck in offering and he'd allowed himself to take the blood; never realizing the pleasure it could bring to both of them until that flesh, tender and supple broke underneath the pressure of teeth.

Now, as his tongue deliberately wet that spot, he had done this hundreds, thousands of times. Now as his teeth pierced, the flesh gave way like butter from that spot being used so often. Immediately the blood flowed into his mouth, as if the sanquinity of it clamored to serve him and give him pleasure, that as Caleb had predicted, had Essek clutching the fabric of that tunic tightly to keep himself from going utterly feral.

This was never about sustenance, this was different. This was an expression of love and trust and it filled him even as he formed that perfect latch, that soft pull with the suction of his mouth and his teeth. And his fingers edged underneath shirt to draw sigils of love against his husband's abdomen. Essek felt that spiralling warmth eddy through him and he was drawn in by it, the way that Caleb's blood had a flavor that he would've known anywhere.

Distinctive from anyone elses. ]

'I will love you forever..' [ He sent telepathically through the blood link, where in the moment that they were bound by blood, he could communicate through the fire blood in Caleb's veins. ] 'there is no one else for me... but you, M'hrandii--'

[ausgebrannt]

[Caleb did not bother trying to hide the shiver of anticipation that came in the wake of the gentle touch of that tongue. This was a well-practiced dance by now, but the thrill at the sheer intimacy of it had never dimmed, would never dim. The brief pressure of those teeth, wickedly sharp enough that Caleb felt almost nothing of the piercing, nothing until the rush of that connection swept him away.

He heard himself whimper softly, but the sound was far away, an echo heard across the distance as he sank into the feeling of it, like falling through the universe, as if gravity itself had lost its grip on him. Sublime and ecstatic, and Caleb leaned heavily back into Essek, trusting his husband to keep balance for the moth of them. His stomach caved ticklishly beneath the touch of that hand.

The voice in his head rang out and drew a smile across his lips.] You and only you. I love you and will love you, Essek Thelyss. Across all lifetimes.

[zauberdecke]

[ Gods, Caleb felt so good underneath his hands-- undulating. The stomach of which his fingers massaged softly, the way that Caleb willfully rolled right back into him, the way that head fell back onto his own shoulder as he lapped and sucked at that sweet ambrosia. Sweetness that seemed to sharpen over him, hot and drizzling, even as he could feel his wizard's essence like fire race like a river through him.

Caleb could've spoken those words to him forever and he would've languished within their safety.

Inside, his mind was telling him that this was a dream-- deep inside the dream-self knew that this was finite, that the flame would be snuffed out all too soon, it was trying to drown out the sound of Caleb's voice, of the assurance that he would love him unceasingly, without beginning or end.

As if to consume Caleb was to pull his lover into himself, his grip tightened and his hand spiraled downward, to brush against that cock just underneath the fabric of Caleb's trousers, fingertips glinding as he could feel it throb in time with the sweet pulse of the sweetest wine given by his heart. ]

Do not leave me....

[ He cried out against the neck, burying his face in hair as already the dream was starting to dissipate for him and he tried to cling to it for as long as he could. ]

[ausgebrannt]

[The dream was fraying. Caleb grasped at it, holding tightly to what he could, to the new part of his soul that he had been forcibly kept from and finally reached once more now that Essek was close, now that his lover was near enough that even Trent's magic couldn't stand so fully in the way of this pull.

It was too soon to lose this moment though, the comfort of memory, of arms that he had missed so desperately.

Hearing Essek's voice, in that moment realizing that for this moment both of them were aware of the dream in the memory, Caleb turned in his arms, reaching up to set a hand at either cheek, looking into those violet eyes.]

I am here, my love. I am so close. Find me, my Starlight. Find me.

[zauberdecke]

I.. will not give you to death...

[ Essek could feel his eyes wet, the tears that came to his eyes-- oh he knew would be pink with blood; but underneath purple skin it blended so delicately, brought a flush to otherwise colourless purple cheeks. He looked up into Caleb's eyes, into those blue starry depths, love was there that was infinite and real. He wrapped his arms around those shoulders and clung to him for everything that he was, as he leaned up to press a kiss to those lips.

Desperately.

Once he fell backwards, he knew it would be over, that his husband would leave him. He attempted to kiss those lips, to bite at them and to taste the promise within them, but the light around started dto dim, copper turned darker and darker as his wizard dissipated into the darkness. Or perhaps it was himself who was doing so, leaving Caleb to the past so that he could return to the present day.

Essek Thelyss then hit that wall of perfect silence, and he lost his grip on those shoulders in darkness, as he fell down into inky nothingness, where nothing existed but a limitless death where the sun could never penetrate. And he slept. ]

[ausgebrannt]

[Caleb reached for him, and in the dream, Bren reached too. As the images faded, as the dream receded, Bren could feel himself coming back, overlapping with this other version of himself, the man he had known himself to be in the dream. Caleb Widogast. The name came to his mind, and even as he started to surface into the waking world, the name sounded like his own.

He woke with a start, sitting up with a scream of,] No! Don't go!

[His voice was still not faded from the air when the pain began, a stabbing through the center of his head, and he groaned, flopping back onto the bed, turning to curl into the fetal position. The pain was not new. It followed the dreams, but it had been months, perhaps longer, since he'd had one. Despite the pain, he couldn't let go of this dream, though already the details of it had begun to fade. He'd dreamed of Lord Thelyss, of arms around him and words of utter devotion. He'd dreamed of a library full of books he'd read and knew by heart.

A soft shaky breath to steady himself, and he forced himself to sit up once more. This was about when he realized he'd made quite a mess of himself, and remembered the sheer overwhelming pleasure from the dream, heat and trust and safety. Fuck. He needed to clean up.

He gingerly climbed from the bed to take care of that. From there it was a simple matter of dressing, finding the clothes that had been shown him the night before. Essek had been right. They fit him well enough, even if they would likely fit better if he spent a while eating regular meals. It would more than due for now.

Bren spent a long few minutes looking at himself in the mirror, as if for the first time. The dream had faded in its details, but enough of it stayed with him that he wondered a bit at how it felt like he was looking at the man he'd been in the dream as much as him, and wondered at himself at the fact that this thought brought an unconscious flicker of a smile over his lips even as another stab of pain tore through his head.

What was going on with him?

He made the bed and spent a while curled up with Frumpkin, telling the cat his current confusion and woes.]

It has been a very long time since I have dreamed of anything but the moon and the fear. And now I am dreaming about the embrace of a man I've only just met. ..though he is a kind man, and a beautiful man, a brilliant man-- and I am getting distracted again.

[Frumpkin meanwhile only butted his head up under Bren's chin and mewed. His wizard was so very close and so very far. Frumpkin fully expected he would have to take this into his own paws eventually.

Standing, Bren set the cat down carefully before ringing the bell that Essek had shown him. From that point his day as a whirlwind -- breakfast (or well, lunch, by the time he'd awoken, and even that was a bit late to be proper) and a tour of most of the grounds, though the library was left for the lord of the Manor to tend to when he woke.

Eventually he was returned to the Amber room once more, to await Essek's arrival as the sun began to set.]

[zauberdecke]

[ The world went on while Essek slept securely within his rooms, that fragile sleep of death that he was powerless to stop or control. A deep abiding heaviness that kept him secure to the bed underneath him, rather more effective than chains. It is why he always had to be on his way to his chambers well before dawn, so that he had the strength to complete that journey. Oftentimes during the newness of it, Caleb would pick him up and carry him to his chambers claiming that he wanted those moments for as long as he could have them.

While Essek slept, the staff managed to investigate this new man who had entered their master's territory. Jester brought lunch and then a light late afternoon snack and stuck around to talk and make sure that Bren ate. Yasha, the groundskeep, took Bren around the estate to show him the area which was rather large and effusive. There was a pop in to the stables to show off the horses and for Bren to be introduced to Beau. Throughout the day, Bren was introduced to all of those who served Lord Thelyss.

And at the spearhead of it all, Frumpkin drapped himself across Bren's shoulders as if he owned this man, If anything, there was no greater vote of confidence than that. The entire staff adored Frumpkin anyways, and the fact that Frumpkin had claimed this man, well it was the staff's pleasure to claim as well.

As twilight approached, Essek could feel his body lighten-- feel gravity as it reversed and pulled him back upward into consciousness. As he rose up, he was contigent of a slow throbbing dull pain in his mind and he placed his hand to his head. A headache required blood to have, he had not had such a thing as a headache in 200 years nearly. Certainly not since his time at Solstryce when he'd been less unalive. He would've lounged there in bed if not for the fact that he remembered he had a guest, so he tries to push this headache back and got himself dressed.

This was not an evening where he had to be anywhere and so he had chosen highly casual clothing. A pair of lounge pants made of soft knit and an off the shoulder linen shirt was chosen and his curls were carefully settled into a bit more control and then he headed toward the Amber Room. If he had a functional heart, it likely would've started to beat fast the nearer he approached. A knock on the door and a quiet Dynasty-toned voice accompanied it. ]

Good evening, Bren-- is this a good time to show you the library? If not, I can come back later.

[ And then Essek stood back and waited, with his hands clasped in front of him and feeling a giddy nervousness that seemed to throb in time with his head, very unhelpfully. ]

[ausgebrannt]

[Meeting people was a new and intimidating thing for Bren. But Jester's inescapable exuberance, and the quiet awkward friendliness of Yasha, even he felt his walls starting to crumble a little. Everyone was kind; it seemed entirely too good to be true.

Bren did have a heartbeat still, and his was fluttering fast enough for the both of them when he heard that knock on his door. It was ridiculous really. This was not a date at all. So why had he spent time making sure his hair was tied back neatly, save for the pieces that fell to frame his face? Why had he chosen clothes from his borrowed wardrobe -- a deep rich purple that also reminded him of a certain aristocratic Drow -- that he thought set off the blue in his eyes?

Why could he not stop thinking about a half-remembered dream even if it physically pained him to try to remember it?

He stood, sparing a moment to ease Frumpkin off what appeared to be one of his new favorite places in his lap, and moved towards the door to open it, peeking out with a hopeful look on his face that transiti9oned into pleased relief at it being Essek.]

Good evening, Lord Thelyss. Ja. Of course. Now is perfect. Frumpkin and I had just finished our conversing.

[Show him the library.]

[zauberdecke]

[ 'Good evening, Lord Thelyss' that voice ran in Essek's mind and caused a decided quickening somewhere; it surely could not have been his heart. A breathless quality came over him, even though he had no breath to speak of-- and then the door opened wider and Essek froze for a moment; his eyes capturing the visage before him. A tall man with ginger-red hair, soft smattering of freckles across face, blue eyes that glowed with warmth-- that easy sense of humor.

All of these shouted, Caleb so clearly to him.

It was as if his husband had come back from the dead, the likeness was so very uncanny. Yes, he would nod at what Bren was saying about Frumpkin whom was now making a figure eight around his own feet. It was exceedingly hard not to shove himself into this man's arms and demand to be held. How he managed not to? Well that remained to be seen. ]

In a few weeks time, those clothes will fit you perfectly.

[ Essek's own dynasty voice was husky as he spoke this, and then he slowly reached to tuck a lock of hair behind Bren's ear, as an excuse to just well.. touch him. That warmth tripping across his fingertips as if drawn there by the promise of flames and heat. ]

It is not far, the library. And then you shall have access to as much as you want of it.

[ He then started to walk backwards, taking his hand away as he realized he was overstepping himself, walking backwards until he turned on his heel and motioned for Bren to follow after him. Oh, Bren did not even need to organize those books, all he had to do was stay, stay and let Essek take care of him, he could read to his hearts content and Essek would worship him, much like he had his husband. ]

[ausgebrannt]

[Bren's heart had not stopped its racing and looking up at Essek, seeing him in this new casual attire, looking so perfectly at home, softer than the harder angles of the night before. It made him want to reach out and trace his fingers along that bared shoulder, see if all his skin was as chill as his hands had been, and as soft.

A breath and he nodded, glancing down at himself.]

I think so too. They are nicer than anything I've worn before. Thank you for allowing me the use of them.

[It was nice to dress in actual clothes, to wake up warm and not starving. All of this was far too nice really.

But none of that was remotely as nice as the fingers tucking his hair away behind his ear. Bren stilled before half turning into that touch, pulled like a magnet.]

I am eager to see it!

[As Essek stepped back, Bren found himself immediately stepping forward as if to prolong that closeness, but stopped as Essek turned. Instead he fell into step following him along.]

[zauberdecke]

[ Walking at his side was a man who looked so heart-renchingly similar to his husband. Of course he would be similar-- this was his soul and his core self; this man whom had come back but with no memories. A way to do it all over again, this life-- and perhaps do it right this time. It was hard to resist taking the hand in his own as they walked-- and the purple looked so right on Bren, like it suited him.

Down the hallway, Essek led Bren with a careful solemnity; they walked passed rooms and doors, nearly closely the sanctuary of a book-lover's retreat. ]

Have my staff been treating you well, Bren? Have you eaten dinner yet?

[ although Essek was casual and felt underdressed in the moment, he was certainly not going to deny that Bren's more fancy clothing had him feeling a certain way, like he could've easily pulled those garments off and not lost a single beat. The only think missing? A scarf. ]

If you are hungry, I can have something sent up to the library for you.

[ normally not the best guest but Bren's presence brought him into the sheer art of wanting to be a good host for Bren, to make sure that he enjoyed the indulgences that his household could rightly afford. Essek would not curtail the other man's own explorations.

A pause at the double doors leaning into the library, with his hand on the ornate filagreed handle ]

Remmeber that this library is a disorganized mess, if you run away screaming-- I shall not blame you.

[ausgebrannt]

[And inside that man -- at his core and locked away by a spell forced into him and meant to shatter his soul before it managed to merge as it was meant to, from fraction pieces into one, this life, his last life -- were all the memories that were by rights his. Caleb, the part of him that was still Caleb, was closer and closer to the surface with Essek nearby. Even death and Trent Ikithon's spell couldn't fully stop the gravity that existed between them. Caleb would have given anything for the touch of that hand in his.

Bren wanted it too, wanted to reach out and tangle his fingers together with Lord Thelyss's, see the way their hands looked intertwined. Those impulses kept slipping into his mind, and they should have been impossible. Trent had given him to Astrid and Eadwulf, had made certain they'd imprint upon each other. But nothing in that bond had ever felt anywhere near as strong as this unmistakable pull towards this still mysterious Drow. And it had never felt so right.

So while Essek led, Bren followed and looked at him with a longing he was not aware of being so obvious in his eyes.]

They have been very kind. And I have eaten more today than I have for the past... well... [It's been a while.] Including another very colorful cupcake. It seems your Miss Jester has an endless supply.

[Bren stopped before the doors and looked up to Essek before laughing.] I'm starting to think that you are deliberately drawing out the suspense now. [A pause before he adds, with a faintly amused note in his voice.] Lord Thelyss.

[zauberdecke]

Perhaps I am.

[ Glancing over at Bren, he faltered a moment as he saw the laughter in those blue eyes. All this man needed was a scarf; he wanted to give him one, to wrap around his shoulders. But that would've been a self-indulgent tragedy, wouldn't it? And Essek would've perpetuated that. He did not want to make this man into his Caleb-- that would never have been right. And this came from a place that did not quite realize how close his husband was to the surface of this man. Honestly, Essek felt like he was wearing his heart in his eyes as well and they managed to filter in little increments toward Bren.

With the greatest of ceremony, he pushed the door open and then stood aside for Bren to enter the room.

And upon stepping inside they would be on the second floor landing of the library. There were four different entrances into this room and the library spanned three floors in it's entirety, books lined the walls all around them though there were also piles of books scattered here and there, also boxes of new books aquired that peppered the room here and there. In the ground floor central was a large fireplace recently lit and a couch, two wing chairs and a chaise set up before it to soak up the warmth.

Windows were scattered here and there, but none that would provide anything more than a nice ambient light to the room, the rest of the lighting was supplemented by candle sconces and a few stained glass votives that shone purple and orange against bookshelves, nothing too glaring-- but the lighting was substantial enough that one could read safely by them without eye strain, especially mortal eyes. This library had been a labour of love for his husband, for them both--

Many wonderful memories were attached to this room, and some of those memories so beautiful that to merely think about them was painful. Essek's fingers gripped upon the balustrade before he glanced over at Bren. ]

As you can see, this is why I said that it may take you a while-- and that you should consider this ah, your only task. There is another smaller library, but it is merely that which my late husband took the Morning Room and converted as his own personal study-- that room holds all of his favorite tomes and I shall take you to see that later.

[ If anyone should see that room, it was Bren-- his husbands reincarnation ]

[ausgebrannt]

[Bren stepped inside the open doors and immediately his breath caught. The room was immense, filled with more books than he'd ever had hope of seeing in his lifetime, and oh he had hoped for books and books, as voracious in his pursuit of knowledge as his previous incarnation.]

This is amazing... I've never--

[No, no that was wrong. Memories of the dream the night before surged up and Bren stumbled at the sudden stab of pain in his head, gripping at the rail as well before fighting past the pain and looking around.

His voice was a hushed whisper, half to himself as realization and confusion joined together to nearly bowl him over,] No, no that's wrong. I've been here before.

[With that he all at once moved from Essek's side, walking with a singular direction and purpose, to a particular row, a particular shelf, a very particular book. His hands were shaking as he pulled it from its place, still trembling as he flipped it open, eyes scanning the page and lips repeating the same words another version of himself had spoken in a dream the night before, in answer to a question asked in a familiar voice, What are you reading, Ussta'Chathiu?]

A treatise on the alchemy of souls, on how they may be connected even across the boundaries of lifetimes.

[This was several shades of impossible, and Bren looked several shades paler than usual. Caleb, still very much trapped within him, however, was feeling quite pleased with himself.]

RIGHT IN THE FEELS

[zauberdecke]

[ This was not exactly what Essek had imagined as he stood there and watched everything that happened at such a fast rate, first the wonder that crossed over that visage, and then the sudden look of pain that followed it, he'd been about to dart forth to steady the other man-- the balustrade after all was not steadying, he would not trust it to bear a grown man's weight with it's latticed ironwork; yet another thing that required updating in this house but it was rare, so rare for him to come into the library for anything more than a quick dart for a book.

And then like a shooting star, Bren was down the stairs and Essek followed after.

All the way until the shelf. A familiar bookshelf that he too had dreamt about. He stood there for a long moment hearing the words that had been spoken in his dream, "A treatise on the alchemy of souls, on how they may be connected even across the bounderies of lifetimes"

He placed his hand to his mouth, and then he glanced upward at the portrait over the fireplace, where his late husband and him sat on a couch together. The artist had captured the two of them with their heads bent over a shared book, two hands holding each side, however Caleb's was wrapped around his shoulder to bring him in close, cheek resting against the top of his head, while Essek was nestled just right.

The outfit that Bren wore was the exact same outfit that Caleb did, minus the scarf. But suddenly he had to turn away, he had to turn away as he pressed his palm to his cheek, he had to calm his heart. He had to calm the fact that Bren was like Caleb reforged into flesh. ]

My late husband, was quite the knowledgeable wizard-- you will find many of his books here, which you are free to read any of them.

[ And then Essek's voice faltered ever so slightly ]

Even that one...

AND IN MINE HOW DARE

[ausgebrannt]

[Bren had not seen the painting yet, had not found himself looking at his own face from a century or more back in the past. He was too busy running his fingers over the paper page before him. He'd seen it before, he'd read this before. Pain stabbed through his head again but he ignored it, or tried to. There as a soft whimper of pain he couldn't quite hold back before he managed a breath to steady himself.

He held the book to his chest tightly, like it was some tether to things he could almost remember, things that felt like they were missing.]

I dreamed about this place. Last night. [Well this morning, hen he'd finally fallen asleep.] About this library and this book. About you.

[Another pained sound and he wavered on his feet, lifting his hands to his head, the book falling out of his hands and landing with a muted thump on the floor. The pain again, trying to shred the dream -- the memory -- out of his head.]

Just you wait....

[zauberdecke]

[ Essek had turned away to somehow put himself to the fragile rights that he needed to feel, however the words that Cal... no, Bren, uttered seemed to pull him back down to earth and invariably into this moment and then he looked back at the portrait. The dream, had it been? Had they shared such a tangible link as that? While he did not feel the pain of the headache now, he had woken up with one and so he crossed over to rest his hand underneath Bren's forearm. ]

If it hurts, do not think about it-- I will have, ah.. medicine sent for?

[ concern, even as the closer he got-- the closer came the scent of jasmine and snow, with the barest hint of plum sweetness to add nuance. His fingers kept a steadying hold on Bren while he waited patiently for this to pass. ]

This place is haunted by many ghosts, there is much regret here, I.. what do you require?

[ and underneath skin, he could feel the way that it arched to his touch, he knew Caleb was in there-- however he did not know how to approach without making it wierd and unsettling. He did not want to come on too strong and.. most important, he knew that Bren had been abused in the worst way thus he desired to build up trust to this beautiful man. ]

[ausgebrannt]

[Bren looked up at the touch, that small gesture of support of the hand at his forearm. This close he could smell the scent of the other man, light and comforting and home. Before he could stop himself, he tipped forward into his chest, half to keep himself standing and half to breathe in that essence of him like that alone would soothe the pain in his head.]

No, no it's fine. I don't need medicine. The pain is my fault. Master Ikithon doesn't like the dreams. If I forget them, the pain stops.

[The words spilled out of him without much conscious thought behind them, like they were a lesson that he had been taught by rote, over and over and over again. When Bren realized what he was saying, doing, he moved to stand up.]

I'm sorry. I'm all right. Please don't think you've taken in a crazy man