shattered - for makingmyway

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Orym can barely think straight. His mind is an utter mess, caught somewhere between rage and guilt and relief and then more guilt for that feeling. They've lost so much already in all of this, in chasing Predathos' threats. Fuck, he'd lost so much before he even knew what Predathos was.

That moment when they'd discovered sending spells were working once again, and he'd immediately tried to reach Dorian only to be met with silence, it had torn at something in him. The fear of what could have happened, of why the genasi wouldn't have answered him. He knew Dorian would have if he'd been able, so something must be wrong. Something had to be wrong. And it was. Gods he should have known better. He should have known better and done something, to keep the other man better protected.

But he couldn't protect him. He couldn't protect any of them. The latest loss was fresh and bitter and raw, and the halfling was ready to come apart from how completely he had failed. What was the point of him, what was the good of him, if he couldn't even keep the people he loved safe?

His come apart had to be postponed when they learned that Dorian had been captured though, because there was nothing else he could think about except the fact that they had to save the bard. He was already a shattered thing, and Orym didn't think he'd survive losing Dorian too. The genasi had been the only bright point left in his univeirse in many ways, and if he lost him without ever even telling him how much he meant to him. Well.

No, he couldn't live with himself.

He couldn't live.

The rescue had been, well, a bit desperate. The halfling had fought without hesitation or thought, a frenzy that left him blood-stained and only half aware of what he was even doing. But they'd gotten Dorian back. Alive.

He's been repeating that to himself over and over in his mind, and only that. Dorian is alive. Dorian is here.

They've retreated from Ruidus, taken shelter somewhere that, for the moment at least, seems safe. Everyone is their own brand of mess, and they're all barely hanging on. But they are hanging on.

Orym has been left with Dorian, to keep watch over the bard. The halfling hasn't spoken since the battle, and blood still stains his face and hands and clothes, and he doesn't seem to notice.]

Comments

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian is quick to shake his head. ] Don’t be. I understand. I’m just…sorry that it felt necessary.

[ That the circumstances left Orym desperate enough to agree to something like that in the first place.

He places another kiss to the top of Orym’s head, lingering there as he whispers. ] We’ll figure it out.

[ Except he already knows what he wants to do. Because even after all this time, there is nowhere Orym can go that he wouldn’t follow. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

It didn't work anyway. The deal didn't... FCG is still gone.

[That wasn't the deal. But there's reassurance in the bard's voice, in those words spoken like a blessing with lips against his head.

He can feel himself coming apart again, tipping forward to bury his face against Dorian's chest, shoulders hitching in a silent sob.]

[makingmyway]

Oh, Orym…

[ The sob tears through him, a stab through his heart. He wraps his arms around the halfing - looking and feeling so much smaller than he could ever remember - and holds him tightly to his chest, as if he could be enough to protect him from anymore pain that the world would try to throw at them. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[He clings to the other man like Dorian is the last solid, safe place in a storm that is threatening to sweep him away entirely. The tears won't stop, but maybe that's better than the numbness earlier, the feeling of hollowness.

Eventually he quiets though, finds himself soothed by the arms around him, by the soft reassuring sound of the genasi's heartbeat, the familiar, comforting scent of him like a flower-caressed summer breeze.]

I love you, Dorian. I need you.

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian holds him through his pain, one arm still holding him tightly while the other hand strokes his hair. He lets Orym cry as much as he needs to, and knowing nothing he says can really help, he instead a hums a gentle melody, hoping it will help somehow.

When the tears begin to slow, he reaches up to lightly brush away any that linger, pressing another kiss to his head. ]

I love you too, Orym. From here on out, we face things together, yeah?

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[He nods, managing to summon a sheepish smile, a silent sort of apology for coming apart so completely, for being such a broken, messy thing. Leaning into those gentle fingers, he leans up and grazes his lips against Dorian's.

And maybe the kiss tastes like tears, the salt sweet tinge of saline still on his lips, but it's earnest and affectionate and true.]

Yeah. Together. I'd like that, very much.

[makingmyway]

[ Smiling a bit, Dorian returns the kiss, the taste of tears mingling with Orym’s as he tilts his head to slot their lips together, pouring as much of his feelings he can, to tell the other man how much he means to him. ]

Good. Because I’m here now. No getting rid of me anymore.

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

Like I'd ever want to get rid of you.

[Orym murmurs the words to Dorian's lips before pouring himself right back into that kiss, teeth catching at the bard's lower lip, mostly gentle. Mostly.]

Like I haven't been dreaming of being right here, in your arms.

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian’s breath hitches as the nip of those teeth, sending a shiver through him, and his arms tighten around Orym to deepen the kiss. ]

It’s all I’ve wanted for so long. Even with everything I had to do…I always hoped to get back to you, to be with you.

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

You're here now. We're together now.

[And Orym would do whatever he could to keep it that way. If Dorian was with him, he could protect him. Could keep him safe. Or die trying.

He kisses the bard like a starving man finally being offered sustenance.]

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian hums a soft agreement, one hand drifting up to cradle the back of Orym’s head to deepen the kiss, giving him anything and everything he can.

He would do everything in his power to make sure they could stay together, to be there and support Orym however he can.

He will make sure to take care of him too.

After another moment, Dorian draws back from the kiss, taking a shaky breath. ]

As much as I would love to continue…I realize I should probably ask Imogen to get in touch with Cyrus to let the others know I’m all right.

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Dorian has a flushed and vaguely breathless halfling in his arms right now. It takes Orym a moment to focus on what words mean. But he nods once they register, reluctantly shifting back and away from the other man.]

Yeah, of course. They'll be worried about you.

[makingmyway]

[ With a gentle smile, he reaches up to brush a thumb across one reddened cheek. ]

It shouldn’t take long. Maybe in the meantime you could find us something to eat?

[ Not an ideal time or place for a dinner date, but he can’t help admitting that he’s a bit hungry. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

I can do that.

[Orym smiles back, soft and still looking somewhat mystified this is actually happening. He hops to his feet to go track down some food. They do need to eat, and he feels better having something productive to do.]

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian lingers where he is for a moment to watch Orym go, smiling to himself. Then he gets to his own feet to find Imogen.

With Sending now working, it’s not difficult to get in touch with his brother to let him and the rest of the Crown Keepers know that he was all right, as well as making sure that they in turn were safe.

Once a couple messages have been passed to make sure enough was said between them, Dorian goes to try and relocate Orym, but has to pause and take a moment to himself. Now that things have calmed down a bit and the events were really sinking in, a shaky breath rises from his throat, and it takes him a moment to realize part of that is because his body was trembling. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Orym watches Dorian go for a moment before shaking himself out of it and going to do as he said he would and find them something to eat.

By the time Dorian makes it back, the halfling will have secured a decent array of options that make something resembling a meal. It's a strange inn they've found themselves in for the night, but the food is fresh and there's a bottle of something he's told will warm them up from the inside out because apparently Orym looks like he has been GOING THROUGH SOME SHIT and the inn keeper took some pity on him.

Orym is trying not to be restless, but his mind is still racing with everything that's happened. He tries to center himself, tries to calm his heartbeat and his breathing, to remind himself that he's still alive. Dorian is still alive. And they still have the chance to stop Ludinus and the Vanguard from hurting more people. They have to.

And even if they die trying, at least for this stolen time, they have each other. That's more than he deserves, he thinks, but he's not a strong enough man to resist, to give it up now that he's discovered he can have it.]

[makingmyway]

[ It takes him a moment to get himself to calm down- or at least, force himself to calm down. There was still a lot he needed to process himself, but for now he can push it all aside for Orym’s sake.

He doesn’t want to give Orym more to worry about, if he can help it.

Once he’s regained some kind of composure, he continues on until he finally slides into the booth where Orym is seated. ]

Wow, this all looks really good.

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Orym would scold Dorian for worrying about him and neglecting himself if he knew. He'll figure it out eventually.

Right now though, he's doing his best to hold it together, clinging to the pieces he's shattered into so they don't all go scattering. He manages a smile though as Dorian reappears.]

It does, doesn't it? I don't remember when I ate last. Time feels weird. [A pause and his smile turns a bit wry.] Like soup.

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian can’t help a small laugh at that. ]

I think I’m finally beginning to understand what that means. [ He pauses, and though he’s still smiling it appears more wistful. ] That almost feels like another lifetime ago, doesn’t it?

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Gods he'd missed that laugh. He'd missed everything about Dorian.]

Yeah, it does. Forever ago... but.

[He smiles in turn.] It feels less far away now that you're here.

[The halfling thinks he can remember being more at ease, being happy in those simpler times when his feelings for the bard had first taken root and begun to blossom.]

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian smiles, leaning some of his weight against Orym. ]

Well, I’m glad to be here…I only wish I could have been here under better circumstances. But I won’t be going anywhere for a while except with you.

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Orym is happy to lean back into Dorian in turn. Even more than the food, he seems to be drawing strength from the bard's presence. His heart feels like it's getting the hang of beating properly once more.]

It's going to be dangerous. For both of us. I'm sorry you're caught up in it too.

[Sorry, but so grateful that Dorian was here. Yes.]

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian shrugs. ] There’s danger everywhere. And I was planning on getting back to you eventually. This just…fast-tracked it, I suppose.

Which, I’m not complaining about the results, even if the mode of transportation could use a bit of work.

[ He grins down at Orym, his tone light with the joke. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

I suppose so.

[He shook his head with a quiet laugh.]

Yeah, not exactly the first choice. But you're here.

[And Orym knows he's been coming apart at the seams, just barely holding it together enough to keep functioning, to keep the others believing he was okay so they wouldn't worry. They have enough to worry about.

But oh having Dorian back is a balm for the ache in him. But in an effort to not sink back into darker, difficult things, he instead smiled sheepishly and threw out what is probably still one of the weirdest thoughts on his mind these days,]

...did I tell you I'm starting to think that Chetney might be my father?

[makingmyway]

[ He would take that laugh, small and quiet as it is, as a victory. Even from just the short time he’s been back with them, he can see the signs of stress in Orym’s eyes, in his frame and demeanor. And now that he’s back, he’s determined to do what he can to lighten the load that Orym seems set on carrying on his small shoulders.

Of all the things he expected Orym to say, though, that was probably one of the lowest on the list. He blinks, pulling back a bit to look at Orym. ]

Wait…seriously?