for Dorian (makingmyway)

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

(( in their soul-bonded AU, early on ))


[Life has been brighter in so many ways since that moment that he and Dorian connected, when the bond that each of them had been trying to hide was suddenly allowed to see the light, to connect with its other half. Orym is happy. Despite everything that is going on, despite the dangers and the risks, things are good. He wants nothing more than to be with the bard, to make him happy.

And the bond that was denied and suppressed for as long as it was, well, that has certainly given both of them motivation to make the most of their time.

So it's probably no surprise that the two of them have excused themselves from dinner early to retire to their room for the evening. And that Orym is currently planted in Dorian's lap -- quickly becoming one of his favorite places -- hands curled in the front of Dorian's shirt, holding the other man close as he does his best to kiss him breathless.]

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[makingmyway]

[ Even with all the dangers and responsibilities still pressing down around them, Dorian can’t remember a time when he’d been so happy. He feels lighter, more at ease than he ever has, his soul feeling so complete now that he and Orym have given in to the bond that they tried so hard to ignore.

But having denied it so long, at times it feels like he just can’t get enough of the halfling - of the sound, the sight, the smell, the taste of him. Each time they come together is enough to satisfy him for a moment, before the insatiable hunger returns.

So it’s barely a surprise as he feels that familiar heat starting to pulse within him, as his lips trail down Orym’s jaw to his neck, and his hands start to slip under his shirt to feel the firm muscle under heated skin.

He needs to feel, to taste more. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Orym is certain he could easily and happily spend the rest of his life learning the way that Dorian reacts to every touch, to memorize how those lips feel against his skin, the hands moving over his body.

He lets his head fall to the side, a shaky breath slipping from his lips. Already desire has grown too strong to ignore, and why would he ignore it? Not when he's with this beautiful man who has shown him something worth living for again.]

Feels good... [He murmurs softly, entirely distracted by the attention. And maybe he could blame the distraction for the fact that what leaves his lips next is an accidental echo of the past, slipping free.] Will... don't stop.

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian suddenly freezes, drawing in a sharp breath as his body stills, feeling as if he’d been doused in cold water.

It was such a little thing, and the rational part of him knows that it’s just an accident. But already his mind is racing with all the thoughts that he tries so hard not to think about, to keep stuffed in the dark corners of his mind until he’s alone and can’t help but open that box.

It shouldn’t mean anything, he knows…and yet how could it not, when that name had once meant everything to Orym? ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Orym realizes what he's said -- what he's done -- and something in him feels cold, leaden, a nausea that sets in the pit of his stomach and digs itself in. He feels the way that Dorian goes still, hears that catch of breath.

The halfling leans back, wide-eyed, expression full of guilt.]

Dorian, I'm sorry. That's not... I didn't mean...

[He knows Dorian well enough to know the other man's issues with doubting himself, with understanding his own self worth. And he's gone and done this to his bonded, to the better half of his sou.]

[makingmyway]

[ He manages to shake off his spiraling thoughts enough to glance up when Orym starts to apologize, and he reaches up to cup the other man’s face in his hands and press a gentle kiss to his lips. ]

Shh, Orym, it’s all right. [ Despite the conflicted feelings storming inside him, the reassurance comes easy, and he even manages a small smile as he strokes Orym’s cheeks with his thumbs. ] I know you didn’t mean to, it was just an accident. It’s fine.

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[The kiss is reassuring, it really is, but it doesn't stop Orym from shaking his head before turning into one of those hands like he can hide his face right there.]

It's not though.

[It's not all right.] It was an accident. You're not Will. I know you're not. I don't want you to be. You're not a replacement or...

[The halfling is rattled, like even the idea of doing something to shake this new bond has his heart clenching in something like panic.]

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian can’t help hesitating a bit then. Because the rational part of him knows that Orym would never think like that. He knows Orym would never consider himself a replacement or compare them. Orym isn’t like that.

But as always, Orym has gotten right to the heart of the matter, of the fears that he keeps to himself. Because while Orym would never compare them, it doesn’t help that Dorian already does that himself. It’s just been how he’s always lived, being compared to another and falling short every time. To always be trapped in someone else’s shadow, to not be as good as the one who came before him.

Secondsun Second place, second best. That’s just how it’s always been.

Especially because it’s not lost on him, that they wouldn’t even be here, be like this right now…if Will was still alive.

But these are his own troubled thoughts, and Orym already looks upset enough as it is. So he kisses Orym again, one hand soothing down the halfling’s chest. ]

I know, Orym. I know it was an accident. He was your first love, your first bonded, and this [ He settles his hand over Orym heart. ] is still pretty new. It’s understandable that things might get a bit confusing.

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

I'm not confused.

[He begins quietly. It tears at something in him, knowing he's done something that could plant even the smallest seed of doubt with Dorian.]

Will was my first love, my first bond... I'll always love him, always miss him. [Always feel that guilt for having been the one to survive and not been able to do anything.]

This is new, but... Will was my past. But this, you are my now and my future. My forever. [He sets a hand atop of Dorian's at his chest, fingers curling tightly.] I'm not the same person I was back then. So much has changed, and I... I don't think I'd have made it this far without you. Even before I knew there was a bond forming between us, you'd already saved me, reminded me how to smile again. I just.. I want to be worthy of this, Dorian. Of you. And this is a shitty start.

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian is quiet a moment as he listens, taking a few shaky breaths. Then he rests a hand over Orym’s, pressing it against his chest. ]

Of course, Orym. I’d never ask you to forget what you had with Will. It’s part of what makes you who you are, part of…of what I love so much about you.

And there’s no need for you to be “worthy” of anything. Nothing you do could change how I feel about you. [ Biting his lip, he glances off to the size. ] I…the truth is, I’ve never felt good enough for you. All I want is for you to be happy, and if I can do that for you, then I’m glad. But I…I hate that you had to lose someone first for this to even happen.

[ Like his very existence was somehow what led to Will’s death in the first place. ]

[makingmyway]

(( Takes place after this thread ))

[ For the first couple of months, Dorian and Orym’s engagement was nothing less than exciting. There were a lot of decisions that needed to be made, but they didn’t really have a set time when they would actually be married, so their plans were tentative at best and choices for certain things were made casually or in passing conversation, with an implicit agreement that they would talk more about things when they were more certain of setting a specific date.

But as more time passes, Dorian starts to get more focused on the actual planning for a wedding, despite not having a set date or even a location for the ceremony. He gathers a various selections for many of the smaller details regarding the ceremony, and while he still confers with Orym for making decisions, there are many times that he can’t help second-guessing or either trying to justify or talk himself out of one thing or another.

However, none of these decisions could really be set for certain until they finally decide when and where they were getting married. And despite insisting on at least having an idea for all these little things, Dorian is oddly hesitant to actually choose a time and place to hold the wedding in the first place. Part of holding off on deciding when the ceremony would be was dependent on where it would be, but whenever asked Dorian just seemed to get a bit anxious and couldn’t decide.

Or maybe that was just because he was starting to get anxious about the whole thing in general. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Orym can see the stress building. In a way he understands it, of course. A wedding is an undertaking, especially when they're both from such different worlds, so far away both physically and metaphorically. For his part, Orym doesn't care where they have the ceremony, so long as Dorian is there, so long as at the end of the day he can call Dorian his husband in addition to his soulbonded.

It's the time and the place that seem the hardest question, and Orym has guesses as to why. Dorian's relationship with his parents is fraught as it is, and even if he hasn't been told as much, the halfling is certain that the Wyvernwinds are not pleased that their sun has wound up bonded to him. He's not Genasi. He's no one of any name or rank or importance. He's a man with a sword and a shield trying to protect the people he loves, one small Ashari who's been wandering the world for years. Then there's the fact that he's been married and bonded before. Secondhand and broken. He's not exactly a catch, and he knows that, especially compared to someone like Dorian.

The fact that Dorian is his is some miracle, but the bard is his, loves him and wants to marry him, and for Orym, that's all that could possibly matter for Orym.

He's tracked down his fiancé today, settling himself beside him silently, leaning into his side.] Copper for your thoughts?

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian knows he’s been driving everyone a little crazy with all the wedding stuff, and gone up to sit on the roof and gaze at the sky. He doesn’t notice Orym joining him until he feels the weight against him, and he jumps a bit before realizing who it is. ]

Oh you know…more wedding stuff, as usual. [ The weak joke is accompanied by a faint laugh, but if doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He mostly just looks tired, and they haven’t even really started to seriously plan yet. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

Ah.

[Orym nods thoughtfully, peeking up at him. He knows that sort of laugh, Dorian. He knows it all too well, that it's an attempt at deflection, at seeming like everything is fine.]

You know, I should be shouldering at least half of this, since technically this will involve the both of us. [The words are spoken lightly, but he means them.] Let me help? Tell me what's on your mind?

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian can’t help wincing a little. He knows he should be telling Orym what’s going on, but he hates having to involve him with his family issues.

But then, wouldn’t it be better to be upfront about it, so he knows what he’s getting into?

With a sigh, he glances down over the edge of the roof. His legs are dangling down, but he draws them up to wrap his arms around his knees. ]

…Cyrus told me that our parents might not attend the wedding if we don’t marry in the Silken Squall.

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Orym watches Dorian draw in on himself like that. Well, he was right. Everything is definitely not okay. He looks only slightly surprised by the news. Honestly, it's better than he expected. Part of him has been worried that Dorian's parents wouldn't attend the wedding if he were one of the grooms.

He turns to face the other man, letting one leg dangle over the edge. This way he can watch Dorian's face better.]

Would you want to have the wedding there?

[That's the real question here.] I don't care where we have the ceremony, as long as you're the one with me at the altar.

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian is quiet for a long moment. They had talked a bit about the Silken Squall being a possible location, but now… ]

I would have, before this. But not if they’re making it an ultimatum. If we agree to it now, they’ll take it as a sign of giving in, and they’ll want to take over everything else. [ He glances at Orym with a weak smile. ] If you thought I was going a bit crazy lately, it would be so much worse with them trying to control everything.

[ Falling silent again, he sighs and rests his chin on his knees. ] But I guess I thought…if I could just show them that all of the little details were perfected, maybe it might change their mind about coming.

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Orym is quiet, listening close as Dorian speaks, though he does reach out to settle his hand on Dorian's urging it away from his legs to lace their fingers together.]

Yeah, I can see how that could happen. We want this to be ours.

[Not Dorian's parents, not anyone else's. But ah, there it is. He squeezes that hand gently.]

It's going to be perfect. There's no way it won't be. But they should want to come for you, not for the flower arrangements or the table decorations.

[He falls quiet for a moment before adding.] Maybe I could talk to them? I mean, I know I'm not exactly their first choice for a son-in-law, but... I want to take care of you, to make you happy. That has to count for something, right? All of us care about you, we should be able to find some common ground.

[makingmyway]

(( Takes place between this thread and this thread ))

[ With so many things feeling like they had happened at once, Bells Hells decided it only made sense to take a bit of an extended break. Not only was Dorian still recovering after being brought back to life, but with he and Orym getting engaged, they decided it would be nice to have time to celebrate. And after a few days for Dorian to rest in Whitestone, the group headed to Zephrah so that he could continue recovering while also being able to make the announcement to Orym's family.

And while Orym's mothers and sisters were excited, they were also respectful of Dorian needing a little extra rest after hearing of his and Orym's ordeal. And Dorian was grateful for the chance for a longer recovery time, still feeling out of sorts from being brought back after being dead for a few weeks (apparently? There hadn't been much sense of time for him when he was gone, so he had to take the others at the word for how long it had been). But between the need to rest, and then celebrating his and Orym's engagement during his waking hours, it had felt like he and Orym hadn't had much chance to really talk much.

Which was a bit unfortunate, with something important Dorian had to tell Orym. But the longer he put it off, the more difficult it became to bring it up.

It was these thoughts that kept him up one evening, another week or so since they had come to Zephrah. And feeling like he'd spent so much time sleeping, he couldn't help being just a bit restless. So, doing his best not to wake his fiancé, Dorian carefully slipped out of bed and headed over to the window to look up at the moon overhead.

And while it did bring a bit of comfort, he couldn't stop the guilt that it made him feel as well. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Things had been a whirlwind. The relief at having Dorian was still a rush of emotion that Orym was riding. To have lost him and worried that he would stay lost, knowing that his heart had broken once before and had only just been reassembled and reminded how to beat by the love he felt for the bard, it had been almost too much.

It was taking the halfling some time to assure himself that it was real. That Dorian was alive again, was all right and back with them, back with him. Even in Zephrah, even home where things were as safe as anywhere else they'd been in ages, he was a bit on edge.

So the moment Dorian stirred and slipped from the bed they shared, Orym was awake. For long few breaths he lay motionless, watching the other man with a silent curiosity, caught up in the comfort of that familiar, beautiful face half bathed in moonlight half silhouetted by the dark.]

Dorian? [A soft, sleepy murmur.] Everything all right?

[makingmyway]

[ While he wasn't surprised that Orym was awake, he couldn't help a soft chuckle, taking a moment before glancing towards the bed. ]

Y-Yeah... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you.

[ Though he should have suspected that he would have anyway. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

Mm... you didn't.

[Half true. Orym's own paranoia woke him more than anything Dorian had truly done. He offered a drowsy smile though.]

Can't sleep?

[He held a hand out towards Dorian, beckoning him back to bed and to his arms.]

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian isn't sure he entirely believes that, but lets it go for a moment. Then he glances back up to the moon. ]

I... guess you could say that.

[ He's quiet a moment after that, still looking up at Catha. But instead of returning to bed, he glances at Orym and gestures him to join him at the window instead. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Orym slips from the covers and pads over to join Dorian, hopping up so he can perch on the windowsill, a bit closer to the bard's eyelevel. And from here he can reach up and catch the pale white white ends of Dorain's hair, twist a lock around his finger.]

Do you want to talk about it?

[Because something is clearly on his mind.]

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian breathes out slowly, the light tug of his hair as Orym plays with it sending a shiver down his spine. Still, he's quiet a moment as he tries to think of the words he wants to say. ]

...do you remember much of what it was like? When you had died?

[ He knows Orym had died once, and only for a moment. But he couldn't help asking. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

I...

[Wow okay that is an unexpected question, and now his heart clenches. He knows Dorian was dead a lot longer than he had been, and he hopes that the other man is okay, being dragged back across that veil.

But right yes, that question. Orym nods faintly.]

I do... sort of life it was a dream? And maybe it was just a dream. But it was warm and bright. And Will was there.