shattered - for makingmyway

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Orym can barely think straight. His mind is an utter mess, caught somewhere between rage and guilt and relief and then more guilt for that feeling. They've lost so much already in all of this, in chasing Predathos' threats. Fuck, he'd lost so much before he even knew what Predathos was.

That moment when they'd discovered sending spells were working once again, and he'd immediately tried to reach Dorian only to be met with silence, it had torn at something in him. The fear of what could have happened, of why the genasi wouldn't have answered him. He knew Dorian would have if he'd been able, so something must be wrong. Something had to be wrong. And it was. Gods he should have known better. He should have known better and done something, to keep the other man better protected.

But he couldn't protect him. He couldn't protect any of them. The latest loss was fresh and bitter and raw, and the halfling was ready to come apart from how completely he had failed. What was the point of him, what was the good of him, if he couldn't even keep the people he loved safe?

His come apart had to be postponed when they learned that Dorian had been captured though, because there was nothing else he could think about except the fact that they had to save the bard. He was already a shattered thing, and Orym didn't think he'd survive losing Dorian too. The genasi had been the only bright point left in his univeirse in many ways, and if he lost him without ever even telling him how much he meant to him. Well.

No, he couldn't live with himself.

He couldn't live.

The rescue had been, well, a bit desperate. The halfling had fought without hesitation or thought, a frenzy that left him blood-stained and only half aware of what he was even doing. But they'd gotten Dorian back. Alive.

He's been repeating that to himself over and over in his mind, and only that. Dorian is alive. Dorian is here.

They've retreated from Ruidus, taken shelter somewhere that, for the moment at least, seems safe. Everyone is their own brand of mess, and they're all barely hanging on. But they are hanging on.

Orym has been left with Dorian, to keep watch over the bard. The halfling hasn't spoken since the battle, and blood still stains his face and hands and clothes, and he doesn't seem to notice.]

Comments

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian is more than happy to hold Orym as close as physically possible, and yet it still doesn’t feel like enough. Now that he’s had a taste of him, knows what it’s like to hold him in his arms, it will never feel like enough.

But he’s more than willing to spend the rest of his life trying to get his fill of Orym.

He shivers, the combination of those fingers in his hair and the tongue running against his lips sending a thrilling sensation throughout his entire body. He moans softly against Orym’s lips, his own parting in an eager invitation for the halfling to take whatever he wants.

Everything he has, everything he is…All of him has belonged to Orym all this time anyway. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[It is in no way close enough. It may never be close enough, but they can spend the rest of their days trying, right? He can imagine no place else he'd rather spend his time than in these arms. Right here with this beautiful, wonderful man.

Orym is aware of that shiver in Dorian, is aware of the own trembling that's started in him and doesn't seem to want to stop as he lets his tongue slip past parted lips. He rises up to chase the kiss deeper, that lingering desperation at how he had been so sure he'd lost Dorian too.]

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian can’t help a moan at the feeling of the warm slide of Orym’s tongue along his, the taste of the other man overwhelming all his senses. His arms tighten their hold around the smaller body in his arms, clinging to him and never wanting to let him go.

They had lost so much time already…lost so much in this constant struggle. So he wants to make the most of this now, while they can. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Orym is of the same mind. Life is too painfully fleeting not to make the most of this moment, of Dorian alive and warm and wanting him. Still, there's a break in the halfling's voice as he draws back from Dorian's lips just far enough to speak,]

I've missed you. I've missed you so much.

[It's been all he could do not to shatter from it.]

[makingmyway]

[ Taking a shaky breath when the kiss breaks, Dorian leans his forehead against Orym’s. ]

I’ve missed you so much too. When I was captured, I worried…I-I thought…

[ His voice trembles, as a small piece of the stress he’d been under manages to slip through. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Orym's fingers move through Dorian's hair, gently, but almost desperately, that he needs to be touching the other man to ground himself in the reality of the moment. Dorian is here and safe. They got him back.]

I know, beautiful. I know. I was scared too... so scared. But I have you now. 'm not letting you o again. I'm going to keep you safe.

[He couldn't save Will or Derrig. He couldn't save FCG. Gods he'd failed so many people so many times, but that ends now. He will tear the world apart to keep Dorian safe.]

[makingmyway]

[ A soft, shaky sound rises from his throat, and he closes his eyes while leaning into Orym’s touch eagerly, just as desperately. ]

I know…there’s no one I trust more than you.

[ Even after everything, after all their time apart, that is the truest thing he knows.

Silence settles over them a moment, but then Dorian opens his eyes again, looking at Orym curiously. ]

Though that does remind me…there’s something I wanted to ask you.

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Orym's eyes roam over Dorian's face, taking in each and every detail. It's impossible to look away, to tear his eyes off him in the moment. He meets that clear, blue gaze and nods.]

You can ask me anything.

[If Dorian needs something wants something, if it's in Orym's power, he'll give it. If it's not in his power, he'll figure out a way to make it.]

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian meets Orym’s eyes, searching his face a moment. Then he reaches up, gently wrapping his fingers around the other man’s wrist. ]

When you all rescued me, and we were fighting our way out…were…you using magic?

[ Because he could have sworn he’d seen Orym - Mr. “I don’t understand magic I can only grow flowers, make breezes, and light candles” - flinging something that looked similar to Laudna’s magic. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Oh. That. Orym is quiet for a moment, and he can't seem to hold Dorian's gaze quite so well anymore. He doesn't try to draw his hand away from that grip.]

Yeah. I was.

[He takes a breath and looks back to him.] ...a lot has happened.

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian’s frown grows more worried, and his free hand gently cups Orym’s cheek, trying to draw his attention back to him. ]

Will you tell me? How did that happen? [ There’s no judgement in his voice - it would be hypocritical of him, anyway - only curiosity and maybe some concern. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[The halfling is far too weak to resist turning into that touch, but letting himself look back to the bard. There is plain exhaustion on his features, wrung out to the point where so little of him is left.]

I made a deal... with the Fatestitcher, Morrigan.

[A deal that hadn't even been able to help in the end. They'd still lost Letters.]

To keep everyone safe... and I... I still couldn't...

[makingmyway]

[ It takes him a moment to realize he means Fearne’s grandmother - having learned the others had met her - and not the Crown Keepers’ Morrighan. And he’s not one to talk about making deals, but… ]

Please…don’t do that, Orym. It’s not your fault.

[ He brushes his lips over Orym’s forehead. ]

What kind of deal?

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[It is his fault. He was too weak again. Even with Morri's magic. But he doesn't argue, eyes falling shut as he feels those lips at his forehead.]

She'd help me be strong enough to keep everyone safe. To get everyone back alive. And I'd serve her.

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian stiffens a bit then, drawing back just enough to look at Orym again. ]

Serve her…? Serve her how?

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[He can feel Dorian stiffen, and he flinches before he can catch himself. Orym shakes his head slightly, brow furrowing.]

However she wants. I wasn't really specific.

[makingmyway]

[ Seeing him flinch, Dorian tries to fight down his own feelings, and gently strokes his thumb over Orym’s cheek to soothe that furrowing brow. ]

But…would you have to stay with her? In the Fae Wild?

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

I... yeah. Maybe. I don't know.

[His voice breaks on the words. He realizes now that he's only going to hurt Dorian in the end, isn't he?]

I'm sorry.

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian is quick to shake his head. ] Don’t be. I understand. I’m just…sorry that it felt necessary.

[ That the circumstances left Orym desperate enough to agree to something like that in the first place.

He places another kiss to the top of Orym’s head, lingering there as he whispers. ] We’ll figure it out.

[ Except he already knows what he wants to do. Because even after all this time, there is nowhere Orym can go that he wouldn’t follow. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

It didn't work anyway. The deal didn't... FCG is still gone.

[That wasn't the deal. But there's reassurance in the bard's voice, in those words spoken like a blessing with lips against his head.

He can feel himself coming apart again, tipping forward to bury his face against Dorian's chest, shoulders hitching in a silent sob.]

[makingmyway]

Oh, Orym…

[ The sob tears through him, a stab through his heart. He wraps his arms around the halfing - looking and feeling so much smaller than he could ever remember - and holds him tightly to his chest, as if he could be enough to protect him from anymore pain that the world would try to throw at them. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[He clings to the other man like Dorian is the last solid, safe place in a storm that is threatening to sweep him away entirely. The tears won't stop, but maybe that's better than the numbness earlier, the feeling of hollowness.

Eventually he quiets though, finds himself soothed by the arms around him, by the soft reassuring sound of the genasi's heartbeat, the familiar, comforting scent of him like a flower-caressed summer breeze.]

I love you, Dorian. I need you.

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian holds him through his pain, one arm still holding him tightly while the other hand strokes his hair. He lets Orym cry as much as he needs to, and knowing nothing he says can really help, he instead a hums a gentle melody, hoping it will help somehow.

When the tears begin to slow, he reaches up to lightly brush away any that linger, pressing another kiss to his head. ]

I love you too, Orym. From here on out, we face things together, yeah?

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[He nods, managing to summon a sheepish smile, a silent sort of apology for coming apart so completely, for being such a broken, messy thing. Leaning into those gentle fingers, he leans up and grazes his lips against Dorian's.

And maybe the kiss tastes like tears, the salt sweet tinge of saline still on his lips, but it's earnest and affectionate and true.]

Yeah. Together. I'd like that, very much.

[makingmyway]

[ Smiling a bit, Dorian returns the kiss, the taste of tears mingling with Orym’s as he tilts his head to slot their lips together, pouring as much of his feelings he can, to tell the other man how much he means to him. ]

Good. Because I’m here now. No getting rid of me anymore.