shattered - for makingmyway

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Orym can barely think straight. His mind is an utter mess, caught somewhere between rage and guilt and relief and then more guilt for that feeling. They've lost so much already in all of this, in chasing Predathos' threats. Fuck, he'd lost so much before he even knew what Predathos was.

That moment when they'd discovered sending spells were working once again, and he'd immediately tried to reach Dorian only to be met with silence, it had torn at something in him. The fear of what could have happened, of why the genasi wouldn't have answered him. He knew Dorian would have if he'd been able, so something must be wrong. Something had to be wrong. And it was. Gods he should have known better. He should have known better and done something, to keep the other man better protected.

But he couldn't protect him. He couldn't protect any of them. The latest loss was fresh and bitter and raw, and the halfling was ready to come apart from how completely he had failed. What was the point of him, what was the good of him, if he couldn't even keep the people he loved safe?

His come apart had to be postponed when they learned that Dorian had been captured though, because there was nothing else he could think about except the fact that they had to save the bard. He was already a shattered thing, and Orym didn't think he'd survive losing Dorian too. The genasi had been the only bright point left in his univeirse in many ways, and if he lost him without ever even telling him how much he meant to him. Well.

No, he couldn't live with himself.

He couldn't live.

The rescue had been, well, a bit desperate. The halfling had fought without hesitation or thought, a frenzy that left him blood-stained and only half aware of what he was even doing. But they'd gotten Dorian back. Alive.

He's been repeating that to himself over and over in his mind, and only that. Dorian is alive. Dorian is here.

They've retreated from Ruidus, taken shelter somewhere that, for the moment at least, seems safe. Everyone is their own brand of mess, and they're all barely hanging on. But they are hanging on.

Orym has been left with Dorian, to keep watch over the bard. The halfling hasn't spoken since the battle, and blood still stains his face and hands and clothes, and he doesn't seem to notice.]

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[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[His heart is hammering away in his chest, hard and fast, as if it is intent on breaking free of his ribcage and flying free. And it might be able to given how light it feels, after the heavy and somehow simultaneously hollow way it had been struggling through each beat for so long now.

He hears himself whimper, quiet and overwhelmed at how perfect Dorian feels, how intoxicating the other man tastes.

Eventually he breaks away, though not far, gods not far, just far enough to speak, lips still brushing Dorian's as he forms the words.]

I should have told you before, I should have told you so many times... how much you mean to me, how hopelessly in love with you I am.

[makingmyway]

[ Oh, does Dorian want to devour that noise, wants to know how else Orym would sound, how he’d react to more.

And he feels a lightness in his chest that he hasn’t for so long…not since having to say goodbye to Orym in what feels like so long ago.

He releases a shaky breath when Orym draws back, chasing those lips a bit that he can taste the words when he speaks.

And oh, how wonderful those words are. ]

Oh, Orym…I’ve wanted to tell you for so long. I’ve been so deeply in love with you, been so crazy about you. But I was afraid…after everything you’d lost, I didn’t think…

[ He didn’t think he could be good enough to make up for the love Orym had lost. The love he deserved to have. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Despite the fact that Dorian clearly has been kissing him back, Orym is still surprised to hear the words returned. His heart goes and trips over itself, a tumble and fall that he thinks it might be falling for the rest of his life, this weightless, relieved, fluttery feeling.

Everything is terrible. Everyone he cares about is in danger. But the man he loves -- when for so long he hadn't even thought he was still capable of love like that -- is alive and here and in his arms and somehow loves him too. And gods isn't that something to hold on to, something to remind him why this world is worth fighting for?

He's torn between laughing and crying and instead just murmurs a soft,] Dorian... [Before claiming those lips with his own again, as if he can make up for all the lost time they could have been kissing right here and right now.]

[makingmyway]

[ The warmth of love and affection he’s been holding back for Orym all this time swells within him, sending something giddy through him. He’d never thought it was possible that Orym could love him back, and during his imprisonment the one thing he feared most was the thought of never seeing Orym again, never being able to tell him how he felt.

But yet despite everything - despite the hardships they faced, everything they’d lost - they are here together, and they had this chance to be together now.

And he isn’t going to give that up for anything in the world.

When Orym kisses him again, he tilts his head to properly seal their lips together, holding the halfling close to deepen it, doing his best to pour all his love, everything he hadn’t been able to say, into the kiss. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Orym melts against him, so that there's no space left between them, as if he tries hard enough he can sink straight into Dorian entirely. The taste of those lips is beyond intoxicating, and for the first time in so long Orym's mind is quiet, left with thoughts of the bard and nothing else. Of being loved and wanted and held and for this moment, alive and safe.

Fingers find their way into Dorian's hair, tangling through soft strands, eager to touch, to hold, even as he let his tongue trace along the other man's lips, a silent plea for more.]

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian is more than happy to hold Orym as close as physically possible, and yet it still doesn’t feel like enough. Now that he’s had a taste of him, knows what it’s like to hold him in his arms, it will never feel like enough.

But he’s more than willing to spend the rest of his life trying to get his fill of Orym.

He shivers, the combination of those fingers in his hair and the tongue running against his lips sending a thrilling sensation throughout his entire body. He moans softly against Orym’s lips, his own parting in an eager invitation for the halfling to take whatever he wants.

Everything he has, everything he is…All of him has belonged to Orym all this time anyway. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[It is in no way close enough. It may never be close enough, but they can spend the rest of their days trying, right? He can imagine no place else he'd rather spend his time than in these arms. Right here with this beautiful, wonderful man.

Orym is aware of that shiver in Dorian, is aware of the own trembling that's started in him and doesn't seem to want to stop as he lets his tongue slip past parted lips. He rises up to chase the kiss deeper, that lingering desperation at how he had been so sure he'd lost Dorian too.]

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian can’t help a moan at the feeling of the warm slide of Orym’s tongue along his, the taste of the other man overwhelming all his senses. His arms tighten their hold around the smaller body in his arms, clinging to him and never wanting to let him go.

They had lost so much time already…lost so much in this constant struggle. So he wants to make the most of this now, while they can. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Orym is of the same mind. Life is too painfully fleeting not to make the most of this moment, of Dorian alive and warm and wanting him. Still, there's a break in the halfling's voice as he draws back from Dorian's lips just far enough to speak,]

I've missed you. I've missed you so much.

[It's been all he could do not to shatter from it.]

[makingmyway]

[ Taking a shaky breath when the kiss breaks, Dorian leans his forehead against Orym’s. ]

I’ve missed you so much too. When I was captured, I worried…I-I thought…

[ His voice trembles, as a small piece of the stress he’d been under manages to slip through. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Orym's fingers move through Dorian's hair, gently, but almost desperately, that he needs to be touching the other man to ground himself in the reality of the moment. Dorian is here and safe. They got him back.]

I know, beautiful. I know. I was scared too... so scared. But I have you now. 'm not letting you o again. I'm going to keep you safe.

[He couldn't save Will or Derrig. He couldn't save FCG. Gods he'd failed so many people so many times, but that ends now. He will tear the world apart to keep Dorian safe.]

[makingmyway]

[ A soft, shaky sound rises from his throat, and he closes his eyes while leaning into Orym’s touch eagerly, just as desperately. ]

I know…there’s no one I trust more than you.

[ Even after everything, after all their time apart, that is the truest thing he knows.

Silence settles over them a moment, but then Dorian opens his eyes again, looking at Orym curiously. ]

Though that does remind me…there’s something I wanted to ask you.

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Orym's eyes roam over Dorian's face, taking in each and every detail. It's impossible to look away, to tear his eyes off him in the moment. He meets that clear, blue gaze and nods.]

You can ask me anything.

[If Dorian needs something wants something, if it's in Orym's power, he'll give it. If it's not in his power, he'll figure out a way to make it.]

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian meets Orym’s eyes, searching his face a moment. Then he reaches up, gently wrapping his fingers around the other man’s wrist. ]

When you all rescued me, and we were fighting our way out…were…you using magic?

[ Because he could have sworn he’d seen Orym - Mr. “I don’t understand magic I can only grow flowers, make breezes, and light candles” - flinging something that looked similar to Laudna’s magic. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[Oh. That. Orym is quiet for a moment, and he can't seem to hold Dorian's gaze quite so well anymore. He doesn't try to draw his hand away from that grip.]

Yeah. I was.

[He takes a breath and looks back to him.] ...a lot has happened.

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian’s frown grows more worried, and his free hand gently cups Orym’s cheek, trying to draw his attention back to him. ]

Will you tell me? How did that happen? [ There’s no judgement in his voice - it would be hypocritical of him, anyway - only curiosity and maybe some concern. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[The halfling is far too weak to resist turning into that touch, but letting himself look back to the bard. There is plain exhaustion on his features, wrung out to the point where so little of him is left.]

I made a deal... with the Fatestitcher, Morrigan.

[A deal that hadn't even been able to help in the end. They'd still lost Letters.]

To keep everyone safe... and I... I still couldn't...

[makingmyway]

[ It takes him a moment to realize he means Fearne’s grandmother - having learned the others had met her - and not the Crown Keepers’ Morrighan. And he’s not one to talk about making deals, but… ]

Please…don’t do that, Orym. It’s not your fault.

[ He brushes his lips over Orym’s forehead. ]

What kind of deal?

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[It is his fault. He was too weak again. Even with Morri's magic. But he doesn't argue, eyes falling shut as he feels those lips at his forehead.]

She'd help me be strong enough to keep everyone safe. To get everyone back alive. And I'd serve her.

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian stiffens a bit then, drawing back just enough to look at Orym again. ]

Serve her…? Serve her how?

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

[He can feel Dorian stiffen, and he flinches before he can catch himself. Orym shakes his head slightly, brow furrowing.]

However she wants. I wasn't really specific.

[makingmyway]

[ Seeing him flinch, Dorian tries to fight down his own feelings, and gently strokes his thumb over Orym’s cheek to soothe that furrowing brow. ]

But…would you have to stay with her? In the Fae Wild?

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

I... yeah. Maybe. I don't know.

[His voice breaks on the words. He realizes now that he's only going to hurt Dorian in the end, isn't he?]

I'm sorry.

[makingmyway]

[ Dorian is quick to shake his head. ] Don’t be. I understand. I’m just…sorry that it felt necessary.

[ That the circumstances left Orym desperate enough to agree to something like that in the first place.

He places another kiss to the top of Orym’s head, lingering there as he whispers. ] We’ll figure it out.

[ Except he already knows what he wants to do. Because even after all this time, there is nowhere Orym can go that he wouldn’t follow. ]

[bigmoonlittlemoon]

It didn't work anyway. The deal didn't... FCG is still gone.

[That wasn't the deal. But there's reassurance in the bard's voice, in those words spoken like a blessing with lips against his head.

He can feel himself coming apart again, tipping forward to bury his face against Dorian's chest, shoulders hitching in a silent sob.]